To do stand-up comedy is hard

To be an Exponential Stand-up Comedian harder still

This Exponential Comedian has secured a twelve night spot

So here we go

 

The first show starts slowly

The Exponential Comedian emerges

Takes in the audience

An audience impatient to be tickled

To explode in laughter again and again

But it will not be like that, not this first show

Only one joke permitted

The Exponential Comedian must start the joke and then streeeeeetch it and streeeeeetch it

until, and almost at breaking point, a voice cries out ‘get on with it’

A ripple of laughter before the struggle continues

Did I say something funny the comedian asks

But no, he’s OK to carry on

Will they get, the final punchline

Irrelevant the audience has now largely left

Are in the foyer demanding recompense

As it has been said, not easy, not at all

 

The venue is a seaside town

One whose pier has yet to burn down

Holidaymakers hopeful for the sun

Wasting money on beer and fags

On ice creams and English Seaside High Cuisine

Pie, chips and peas and the like

In no mood to entertain the intellectual challenge of the Exponential Comedian’s first show

And possible rightly so

Their money is refunded

 

The second show, two jokes permitted, goes OK

Just a couple in the audience, those who know

Not deterred by the scathing reaction of the local critics

Two well-constructed jokes, if rather long, generously received

The performer takes a bow

 

So the shows rumble on with audiences of one or two

People grumble that the venue’s wasted

Not a lot of night life, not a lot to do

but roam the streets or promenade

Grab a take-away or go for a beer

But the contracts signed.  It will keep the theatre afloat for another year

In two weeks it will be back to sixties nights and yesterday’s bands

But then of course this lot will have gone home

 

Show seven and things get better

Sixty four jokes, one to two minutes each

The Exponential Comedian can relax into his pre exponential comedy routine

Bigger better crowd getting their monies worth

And the word is spreading

Importantly an assistant in the wings counting the jokes

Sixty three, sixty four, now say good night

Hope that’s right or everything is gone.

 

At show ten the challenge has really hotted up

Five hundred jokes at five a minute

One liners saturating the audience, already wet with tears,

like monsoon rain

Staggering out drunk with humour heads so full they won’t remember a thing

 

Show twelve and it’s the last                                                                                             The queues stretch round the theatre along the pier and into the town

A fan zone set up those who cannot be within

Regional TV set up, interviewing the punters, hey this is fun

Two thousand plus jokes at twenty a minute can it be done

The Comedian in the dressing room practicing talking very quickly

The audience handed out notes, just pick a joke, laugh and then pick another

Don’t try to catch them all

Twelfth Night was never like this

The curtain rises the Exponential Comedian greets his audience 

Draws breath and then begins

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©LawRouge

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