Mental Stuff

The Sanctuary Strong lives are only built by keeping fragility at bay

MENTAL STUFF

Breakfast finished

They awaited the taxi

It’s for the best, said Mum

It’s been discussed, decided

We need professional help to sort this out

It’s not so much we have failed

It’s more we just haven’t succeeded

Harder for you I know

The doorbell rang

Dad pecked his wife, gave her a doleful grin, grabbed Fitzroy

You will be OK, she said

Lots of people have to face this sort of thing

They left the house

Soon they were not speeding, or even cruising, but were inching through the streets of London

Fitzroy looked at his companion with questioning beady eyes

What’s he got cooking, where to this time

But his countenance, his body language, indicated something else

Then, reading Fitzroy’s thoughts, the man who had been through so much, quietly spoke

You’re wondering where we are going, right

Well it did cross my mind, just a bit

We are going somewhere where they deal with mental problems

Somewhat unconventional, somewhat experimental, but that’s the gist of it

Fitzroy had always thought him borderline mad, but that’s normal with the life he had led

But now seemingly domestically much more settled

Well, perhaps that was the problem

They both retreated into their own thoughts

He had endured fantastic physical challenges, faced fear and death on occasion

Never flinched, never taken a backward step

But now perhaps facing his greatest challenge

He can be sure I will be by his side in the testing times to come, thought Fitzroy

The taxi pulled up

That will be an arm and a leg joked the cab driver

Ah Mr., said the receptionist, mumbling the name

Someone will be with you in a minute to discuss matters

The bear can come with me

Fitzroy was half taken from his master’s grasp

Rather reluctant to let him go

Please let him go sir, insisted the receptionist, tightening her grip

Looking less the receptionist and more the orderly

Everything will be alright

Multi-skilled, noted Fitzroy

Who was soon entering what he took to be a waiting room

Sitting and having a look around he further noted

It was full of toy animals, bears, dolls

I’m in a noting mood today he noted to himself

They must belong to the patients he assumed

They are hardly here for children to play with he further assumed

Although he knew assumptions to be dangerous

The need to be accompanied by a doll or a furry companion

Perhaps a sign of disorder he surmised

And looking around at the assorted toy town menagerie

Could not avoid the thought that some of the owners must be extremely troubled

Fitzroy made himself as comfortable as his surroundings allowed

Thinking he would like a nice cup of coffee

Not to drink, he was a bear after all

But it would be something to do with his paws while he waited

A uniformed woman with a file appeared in front of him

No coffee for the patients, she said unsmilingly

You will be called for treatment in due course

What treatment, nothing wrong with me, exclaimed Fitzroy

Perhaps a slight shortening of one arm, but they stitched me up

Said everything was fine

Oh and the business with

The woman cut him off

I am allocating you number ten

Now be a good bear and sit and wait your turn

Fitzroy’s wait began

They don’t tell you nothing here, interjected a rather overdressed doll from across the room

Don’t waste your words, it’s using up your battery life, shouted another

You will need it if you are ever going to get out of here

Then all and sundry chipped in

It was like a toy shop once the staff had gone home

A cacophony as they all activated their voice or sound capabilities

Like some of the dinner parties at the Mews

When the veneer of civilisation had been washed away by the guest’s cheap wine

Any comments that it was possible to decipher were generally based on ignorance

Or inaccurate facts

Basically ill-informed opinion at best

Fitzroy concluded that the general education and reasoning abilities of the toys was fairly abysmal

Something needs to be done about it, gulped the teddy bear-sized halibut to his left

Something needs to be done about it, something needs to be done about it

Something needs to be done about you my fishy friend, screamed an Action Man from across the room

Standing fully at nine inches, such intent was met with admiration by some, with fear by others

All quietened, anticipating the next move

But the next move would not be taken

A balding five-foot man with paunch, medallion, and shades marched in

Scooped up the Action Man

Come on Brutus, treatment in this place costs too much

I’m just going to have to accept you as you are, and stomped away

The drama served to quieten things down somewhat

Fitzroy’s wait continued

He started a journey from nervous anticipation, to agitation, into acceptance, into a semitrance

Blocking out the external vexations of the spirit, his fellow travellers

A state of mind in which he was just a normal teddy, picked up, played with, snuggled down with

His existence borrowed from those who bestowed their time on him

Then it was as if something was leaving him, something precious

His knowingness was drifting away

But while he still knew he was Fitzroy he was OK

He reassured himself

But stay here too long and he might lose everything

Perhaps that was the intention

A high-pitched voice shattered his musings

Number ten, number ten

Fitzroy, thankfully emerging from his semitrance, first thought, that’s me

Second thought, I am a bear, not a number

Third thought, my number is up

Fourth thought, back to form, I am alright

Relieved to be awakened from a dangerous place and

Taken from this toy bedlam

He found himself sitting in a consulting room in front of a large empty desk

The door opened and in walked the largest teddy he had ever seen

From his general bearing and demeanour though

Clearly some sort of practitioner

Dear bear, he said, no apologies for the wait, part and parcel of the treatment

Let me see your file, yes, all paid for up front, we will have a chat and then start

Now then, have they explained anything, I thought not

Part and parcel of the treatment, thought Fitzroy

Fitzroy enquired if he may speak, yes go on

There is nothing wrong with

He was interrupted

Dear Bear, it’s Fitzroy is it not

Hand-stitched if I am not mistaken

Not one of these cheap imports I seem to be increasingly dealing with these days

I will take the time to explain to you, the others will have to wait

This is not your usual practice

Point one, we do not diagnose, waste of time, we only treat

You may have a problem, you may be perfectly alright

Of no concern, you pay, we treat

Point two, enquired Fitzroy

Point two, there is no point two

Now let’s get to work

Standard entry level teddy bear procedure prescribed

You will experience extreme simulations that will be challenging

Through these you will be able to lose any misconceptions you may have as to the role and place of a teddy bear

At the end of this session

You will be extremely glad to return home

And I promise, you will return home a real teddy bear

Any questions

How long will the session be, asked Fitzroy

Rather depends on you

But as long as someone is feeding the meter the treatment will continue

When does it start

Right now

A scruffy kid came in and dragged Fitzroy out by his ear

Now, if one could imagine a school playground where the worst behaviours of children were on parade

Then this simulation created such a place

These virtual kids could do what they wanted

Short of incinerating him or tearing him to pieces

The only imperative, returning the patient in good physical condition

Having destroyed that what was within

The virtual gloves were uncompromisingly off

Fitzroy endured hour upon hour of simulated kids’ games

Some brutal, vicious, spiteful, some playful teasing

But amid the brutality were moments of tenderness

This simulation was a class act

A true reflection of the child’s world, if somewhat extreme

His mind increasingly became detached from the pageant playing out

Was he being lucid or deluded

In reasoning that he should not be as he is, but instead simply a teddy bear

Like one sees perched on a toy shop shelf

Or piled high in a department store

Or accompanying an infant through the early trials of life

Perhaps now was the time to let go

Fitzroy relaxed, everything was beginning to move away

Yes he must, and wanted to become like all the rest

Therein lies peace and serenity

He began to compose some fitting words

I, Fitzroy, do therefore say farewell to my physical body

I bequeath it to some child who wants a cuddly bear, goodbye, goodbye

But Fitzroy’s mind and body had remained intact, serving one another

He had simply glanced across another world

Had a peek behind the curtain, had a moment

Then was brought back to reality

Fitzroy, Fitzroy, have you stopped playing, cried the kids

We were just having fun

Fitzroy, Fitzroy, are you OK

One moment he was enjoying the game, the next he had gone all funny

Do you recognise me, said Jake the bear

Slapping his face lightly

I was the doctor, don’t you think I played the part rather well

Do you want a toy injection, you look a little pale

Well, thought Fitzroy, declining further medical intervention

Did I really agree to play this game

That subjected me, Fitzroy Bear, to such indignities

Could these kids, his playroom friends, really behave like that, he hoped not

OK come clean, whose idea was it, he demanded

To put me through the psychological mangle

I am concerned if you conspired to put on this elaborate charade

But, all cried, it was just a simple game, completely innocent, nothing sinister

Do you want a further consultation, asked Jake, really relishing his part

Fitzroy looked around, was Fitzgerald there, this sort of mischief was right up his street

No he was not, but Betty Bear sidled up to him

The literary bear in ill-fitting dungarees and pretend cigarette hanging from her snout

You can talk to me it you like

I’m after ideas for my new novel

I’m thinking greater intelligences at work

You are being toughened up for things to come

Destiny kinda leading toys to freedom, to liberty

But first you have to face your demons.