Premier League Party

Large Newly Built House of Questionable Taste

The doors of contempt and stubbornness are never locked, but only lead to empty rooms

PREMIER LEAGUE PARTY

It was the day of the party

The kids were jumping

There would be lots of food

And games

And even the chance that some famous footballers would be there

Along with their kids and their teddy bears

Everyone in the playroom was excited

That was except Fitzroy, who was refusing to go

Downstairs Mum and Dad were having a serious conversation

I can remember when Fitzroy was just a teddy bear

Or at least appeared to be

OK, he had survived public school and university with you

But deep down he was just a teddy bear

You picked him up, put him down

Talked to him, teased him, he just sat there with a silly grin

And then he became, well, sort of sentient

We encouraged that he became somewhat educated

Wise to the ways of the world

But still dependent, mobility always a problem

Said Mum

While he is in the house he must carry out the duties appropriate to his position and status in this house

Said Dad

If the kids want to take him to a party then they take him to a party

He must learn to balance his own wishes against those around him

Being somewhat sentient carries its own responsibilities

I know, said Mum

But perhaps he is right

What sort of world will we be introducing him to

Some mock mansion furnished with questionable taste

A car park full of fabulous cars, only let-down by their boyish owners

Sporting ridiculous hairstyles, not to mention the tattoos, medallions, and piercings

He will be sat down with a group of ill-chosen bears and other creatures, some three times his size

Whose manners and behaviour match their owners or worse

Well, says Dad, it doesn’t due to be such a snob

But I do agree, they are not the honest rugby types that I used to know at uni or the club

We used to punch and gouge and stamp on the field

But after the game it was all bonhomie and camaraderie as the beer flowed into the night

And the battered mind and body embraced a deep deep sleep

These guys fall if you blow on them

He sat and pondered, applying his considerable intellect to the issue

You would not have thought a simple invitation was such a big deal

But we can’t afford to upset anybody at the moment

I know, we can threaten to dress him up in stupid clothes

That would be so embarrassing he will agree to go

He has many worthy attributes, but a lack of vanity is not one of them

He won’t like it but it’s a solution

Duly done, the kids and some privileged other cuddly toys

Talked excitedly and giggled their way to the great event

An afternoon with the nouveau riche

The players, wives, and girlfriends mostly did not seem so bad at all

Some talked of setting up sporting foundations in their native lands

Others of work in the local communities and schools

The older guys, now in some management or other club roles

Told stories of a murky world behind the game

The players larked around with boyish charm

Contriving to lose a match against the kids, toys, and parents, by a single goal

In short, quite an education for the kids who perhaps inhabited quite a sheltered world

As for Fitzroy, not quite the star, in fact, in such a catatonic sulk he ended up being used as a goal post for the game

Several times the league's top scorer crashed shots goalward

Only to be denied by the post, aka Fitzroy

Game over, party over, he was helped into the car

His condition now causing some concern

Prodding and poking and teasing and taunting having no visible effect

Then one of the kids shouted

Guess who’s coming round tomorrow

Fitzgerald

Fitzroy shot bolt upright

No not that, please not that

Bad as today has been, to have that bear in the house is ten times worse

There, that did the trick

The kids chorused

Fitzroy welcome back.