The Annual Panto...

For this week’s blog I’m releasing a story from the second Fitzroy volume, Fitzroy: Political Life

As previously mentioned, I think of these stories as kids’ stories for adults

This story describes the Mews pantomime, produced by Betty Bear

It’s the first of many dramatic ventures involving Betty Bear, who becomes one of the major characters in the Fitzroy series

I hope you enjoy it, and I look forward to any comments…

The Mews

The house is on fire

Oh no it isn’t

Oh yes it is

THE ANNUAL PANTO

Christmas time at the Mews and the adults were busy making mince pies, putting up decorations, and generally getting cross

In the playroom

It's time to produce the panto

Said one of the kids to Fitzroy

No response

Repeated, it’s time to produce the panto

OK, said Fitzroy

That’s not right Fitz

I say it’s time to produce the panto, and you say, oh no it’s not

Oh yes it is, oh no it’s not

It’s family tradition

Then we ask Betty Bear to write it for us

Oh yes, of course

Now Betty Bear was a literary sort of bear

Above the normal rough and tumble of the playroom

One who observes the best laid plans of bears and men

And when it comes to panto time, she’s the bear

With ideas that are wacky to say the least

What was that all about, Fitzroy forgetting family traditions

I think he’s worried about something, replied the eldest girl

But it doesn’t come any bigger than the panto, observed her brother

Well, explained the girl

After the space trip triumph, he is being tipped for promotion, a top three post

He is even being talked of as a future Prime Minister

And it doesn’t get much bigger than that

I know Fitzroy is a Minister, but does he actually do anything, questioned the lad

He has advisors, speech writers, policy makers, even decision makers

He is also a good-looking bear with natural charm, a good dolloping of charisma, and that goes a long way with voters

He is a sentient bear, he has feelings, he doesn’t want to let the country down

Would you like to be in his position

Sure, crowed the boy, I’ll do it, the first boy PM

Bring it on

I’d promote the entire family to cabinet posts for a start

Excepting parents, I would abolish them

Adults would be kept on farms for breeding purposes

His sister laughed, OK be serious

The panto was what goes for serious in the playroom, and Betty was approached

She was quickly into her stride

I’m thinking Jack and the Bean Stalk, but in a modern context

Jack is going to be fired, be thrown on the scrapheap, must have upset somebody

Lost the company millions, I dunno, did something bad

Anyway, nobody is going to hire him

He will end up delivering pizzas, if he’s lucky

Anyway, then he dreams up some idea for a social media app

That’s like the bean and it’s like a start up

Something that links up something with something else that no one has previously thought of

But turns out to be really useful

And this grows, like the beanstalk, and Jack climbs it and finds himself in the silicon world of the young internet entrepreneurs and the money just pours in

Being a good lad, the money doesn’t spoil him and he looks after his retired parents

Even though they don’t really need anything, having taken advantage of generous pension schemes

And are living comfortably in southern Spain while still only in their late fifties

Everything looks rosy, and Jack is even thinking about his own retirement at perhaps twenty-five or thirty

But unbeknown to Jack, who wanders through this world, almost like the proverbial fool

This world is full of hidden dangers like ogres and giants

I’m thinking here of big business, who want to buy him out, hostile takeovers

I’m thinking government agencies after tax and stuff like that

Unions who say he is threatening jobs

Individuals who say he stole the idea and are going to sue

I’m thinking here Jack sings a plaintive song, a sort of start-up lament

As Jack realises the world he is now part of

And all he wants to do is meet someone and live happily ever after

So, what do you think

Now thinking setting

Modern office, open plan, air con, chilling area, perhaps on a business campus

Shared services, that sort of thing

But the masterstroke, a plant that grows very fast, almost exponentially

It sits on a desk, just add water, and bingo

It’s like a back drop that sums up the whole piece

Genius

It was the first night of the panto

Assorted family relations and friends arrived

Enjoyed a buffet and a drink and a catch up, and were seated in the living room

The lights dimmed, the curtain drawn back

The audience were presented with a scene that just about passed for an office setting

At least there was a desk, a chair, and a plant

You have to leave something to the audiences’ imagination

Jack started the panto, mysteriously watering the plant, and then performed a song

Goodbye work, hello scrapheap

Normally you would expect a tear or two

A few emotionals may even weep

But here all eyes were on the plant, as once tasting water for the first time

Started its accelerated growth spurt

What a stunt

Jack and his corporate plight now ignored

There was a new star of the show

Quickly reaching ceiling height, it circled around

Took a quick look at the audience

As if seeking approval before it penetrated the ceiling into the room above

Dad left the room in a fantastic rush and was scrabbling in the garden shed

Where’s the axe

Rushed back and attacked the plant with savage and murderous intent

Truly symbolising the giant corporations

Doing anything to bring the independent entrepreneur

Crashing down

The axe man was having little effect, get the chainsaw somebody, he shouted

An uncle heeded the call but was last seen in the garden

Foot on the chainsaw base, pull, pull, pull, trying to start the wretched thing

Jack looked on half concerned, half amused

If this carries on it will be into the attic and through the roof

But this one trick wonder had hijacked the show

If the audience prefer cheap tricks to my song and dance

Let them suffer for a while

If anyone had any sense they would ask me for the magic word

This was a panto after all

Where is Betty, she may be able to help, she wrote this piece, worth a shout

She was not in the audience, never liked to see her own work

The kids rushed to the playroom to search for Betty, teddies and dolls flying everywhere

Betty, Betty come quick, we need you to sort this panto out

You need to ask him for the magic word, has nobody asked Jack for the magic word

You’ve got that, now please leave me in peace

I’m in the middle of dreaming up a new piece

The kids rushed downstairs, Jack the magic word, say the magic word

Thought nobody was going to ask, said Jack nonchalantly

And after a little banter

I don’t know the word

Oh yes you do

Oh no I don’t

The adults had to get involved

But it’s a panto, what do you expect

Then after angry words and gestures and regrettable threats

Finally he said the magic word

Then a fairy did appear

Dear Sir, how may I help you, what is your wish

But looking about it was fairly clear, so she cast her spell

And magically all returned to normal

Well almost

Dad looked at the axe in his hand, how did that get there

Uncle in the garden had finally got the chainsaw working, but why

He returned, oily hands and red faced

The plant on the desk had withered and died

Well if you don’t water it that’s the result, said Dad

So wise

Jack sold out to a large corporation

Betty was still dreaming in the playroom

The guests gradually drifted off as the food and drink began to run low

The panto was over for another year.